Erm, Both?
by DominoTyler
Summary: "What do they do?" "Wait, which ones? Bras or boobs?" "Erm...both?" Ron is a very confused boy. Hilarity ensues when Hermione, Harry and Ginny have to explain to Ron just what a bra is, and what they are supporting are for!


Hello! This is a conversation based on one I had with a couple of my friends. It was pretty freaking hilarious, and I don't think I did it justice, but here we go!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything you recognise.

...

It was just another Saturday at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny sat in the warm sun, lazily feeling summer come upon them, they found that they were quickly running out of things to talk about. Being best friends, one can usually find something to talk about. Then you reach that point where you know everything about each other. And while you still never run out of things to say, it is easy to lapse into silence between topics. And when your day is as lazy as this one, and you're too relaxed to even think of something to talk about, conversational topics seem to just fly through your mind, your only just to lazy to put them into words. Ron Weasley was the first to break their happy silence with a question one would never believe had come from the mouth of a sixteen year old boy.

"Mione?" he said suddenly.

"Hm...?" The girl in question was lying on her stomach, engrossed in some book or another, the warm rays of sunlight tinting her light brown curls an almost golden colour. She shifted her head slightly to look at Ron when he failed to continue. She noticed the slightest hints of a blush painting his cheeks. "Yes, Ron, what is it?"

"I have a question for you."

Hermione figured this could take a while and she marked her page, sitting up and crossing her legs. "Alright, Ronald. What's your question?"

His ears were on fire, the rest of his face slowly following. "What's a bra?"

Hermione's eyes bugged wide out of her head. Harry snorted and Ginny stared at Ron in shock.

"Come on, Ron," said Harry, who was leaned against the tree, an arm wrapped neatly around Ginny, who was leaning against him. "Be serious."

"I'm dead serious, mate."

Harry's amused look slowly faded into one to rival the girls' stunned expressions. "You really don't know? Blimey, you've got a sister! I'm an only child and I know what a-" his voice quieted considerably as he said the "b" word "-is!"

"Well, no one would ever tell me!" Ron exclaimed defensively. "My brothers all just joked at me, and Ginny always laughed me off!"

"I thought you were kidding!" Ginny said, trying not to laugh now that the original shock of what he'd just said wore off. "I thought a sixteen year old boy who'd had a _girlfriend _would at least know what a _bra _is!"

Ron's blush was beginning to decrease a bit, as he knew they were all friends and were only laughing at him for the fun of it. He really had no need to be so embarrassed.

"Hm...how do I explain this...?" Hermione said contemplatively.

It was Harry's eyes that bugged this time. "You're going to _explain _what it is? Can I leave?"

Ginny rolled her eyes and took his hand. "Harry, quit being such a baby."

"Well, let's see," Hermione said finally. "Take it from a muggle tv show. A girl once said that bras are like children-they divide and support."

Ron was even more confused than before. "What do they support?"

"The children or the bra?"

"Erm...both?"

Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes as Harry and Ginny chuckled. "Well, the children support each other, I suppose, and the bra...well, do I need to say it?"

"I'm so confused..." Ron muttered.

Gunny rolled her eyes. "They support our ta-tas, Ron!"

He gave her a look. "Ta-tas?"

"Yes!" She cried. "Our mammillas, breasts, udders, boobs! Any words I'm leaving out, I'm sure there're plenty more to describe them!"

Ron flushed red again as Hermione and Harry had to fight not to fall to the ground in a horrible laughing fit.

"So bras support those..." Ron said nervously. "But what do they do?"

Hermione laughed out loud this time. "I believe we just now discussed this!"

"I'm sorry!" Ron exclaimed.

Hermione rolled her eyes. Then something occurred to her. "Wait, what do what do? Bras or boobs?"

"Erm...both?" He said as he had earlier.

Hermione would never cease to be amazed at the small mental capacity this boy had. "Haven't you ever learned of human reproduction, Ronald?"

"Yes, but I fail to see what those have to do with anything!" Ron exclaimed.

Hermione sighed as she again thought of a way to explain things easily to him, without making things to graphic or uncomfortable. "Alright, Ronald. Think of a cow. What are a cow's udders for?"

"Er...milk," he stated firmly.

"Rght!" Hermione said. "So are boobs."

"Boobs are udders?" Ron questioned blankly.

Hermione face-palmed. "Close enough."

"Wait, do cows wear bras?"

Now, it is easy to say that this group of friends was not the only to be inhabiting the grounds this warm, nearly summer's day. And as one Draco Malfoy passed by the group, he overheard just what the conversational topic was of the group of friends. He burst into uproarious laughter.

"What are you on about, Weasel?"

Despite their hate for the blond boy, the three who were not completely clueless found that sharing this hilarious moment with someone else just might make it that much more funny.

"Ronald doesn't know what a bra is, or what the organs they support are for," Hermione explained, wiping tears of mirth from her brown eyes.

Draco laughed even harder at this. "Really, Weasel? And you call yourself a man!"

The group continued laughing in Ron's direction.

"I was just asking..."

"Ronald, breasts are for producing milk," Hermione said, trying to explain once more.

He looked confused yet again. "Can you drink it?"

Hermione's eyes widened at the thought. "No! It's for babies!"

Draco shrugged. "I've heard of those creepy guys who like to try it."

Hermione glared at him. "Why, are you one of those creepy guys?"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course not, Granger. I'm not creepy."

"I beg to differ," Hermione grumbled under her breath, before turning back to Ron. "Any other questions."

"Yeah," he said. "Can I do that?"

The laughter from the group was even more explosive this time.

"Why would you want to?" Draco cried, laughing so hard he fell onto his back, clutching his stomach, amazed at the sheer stupidity of the boy. If he'd been a few years younger this probably wouldn't have been as gut-wrenchingly hilarious, but a sixteen year old boy should know these things.

"Absolutely not!" Ginny said, laughing still.

"Well, some guys-unnatural guys, mind you-have tried," Hermione said. "So I'm sure you could if you wanted to. But it'd be so...weird. And you can expect to lose every last one of your friends, and maybe even get disowned."

"Can the milk come on command?" Ron asked, just filled with questions today.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Of course not, stupid. The girl has to get pregnant first, and suction makes it come out. Which is why it's so unnatural for men-if you didn't know this either, guys can't get pregnant."

"So, it's like...magic?" Ron said, eyes lighting up. "I have magic udders?"

The group burst into laughter again, but Ron was completely oblivious now. He got to his feet and placed his hands on his chest. "I can feel them now! I'm filled with manly juices, just waiting to be fed to children!"

"I think you should keep your manly juices to yourself, Ron, before you get arrested," Harry said, barely able to speak through his laughter.

A bell rant, signalling supper, and the group tried to get to their feet without falling over from laughter. Ron had to go to the bathroom before he ate, so before they separated, Hermione said, "You know what, Ron? This is my homework for you-you harness those manly juices!"

"Work those udders!" Ginny added, and the group tumbled into the Great Hall, leaving all of the students of Hogwarts to simply wonder at the crazed laughter coming from the friends.

...

We also went on to have a conversation on wether or not boobs were disposable or not, and the boy was more confused than ever, learning about men breast feeders, but I decided to just leave it here. Hope you enjoyed this silly little story! And hopefully I didn't offend any men breast-feeders out there... Actually, yeah, I hope I did. You guys are weird.

Kay, bye!


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